After many hours of mugging, it finally came to a close. Yes, I used the words "hours" as opposed to "weeks" or "days" because I didn't think I put in enough effort for these exams. Even Charlyn said I slacked so much. :( This will simply translate in me not scoring well again for the semester.

Had a few chats with Joel and I find that chasing after the academic papers in Singapore is very hard. It's tiring and it drains you out completely. Sometimes, I feel ike giving up. In all, I have to endure six semesters in poly. And so far, I'm done with three. It's already halfway through the ordeal. I don't understand. Aren't JC kids supposed to be more stressed up? Why poly? It's so unfair. In my course itself, people are mugging like there's no tomorrow. So what do the others do? We have to ensure that we keep up with them.

Yes, some people will say how ironic that sounded coming from me. 4 pointer? Is that hard for you? I mean, it's no surprise that almost everyone in school; including the first years, knows that I scored a gpa of 4.0 for my first semester. Do I feel good about it? In all, probably not.

Being a top student is everyone's dream. But do you honestly think the one who's in those shoes feel the same? I remembered the day I got my results and almost in disbelief. It was possible to get 4.0 for engineering courses but to get 4.0 for business course, is almost rare. Plus, if you are in Accountancy, getting a 4.0 is a huge deal. Not impossible, but very satisfying. Yes, talking about the day I got my results, I was speechless. I knew I worked hard but I didn't think I was going to do that well. Naturally, on that day, everyone was asking for each other's results. Some ended up in tears; for two reasons. Either tears of happiness or sadness. As for me, I didn't know. I teared, alright and it was fasting month. It's almost like a gift from God.

Then second sem, I fall short. Of course, everyone was expecting me to get stellar grades; even my tutors did but I fell short and ended up pretty disappointed. However, I'm still blessed to retain in the Director's List - awarded to the top 10% in the semester.

Yes, I find that my life now in terms of academics to be a blessed one. But in terms of friendship, I find myself a major disappointment. Am I a failure in that?

Joel once said that it was very unfair that the school gives opportunities to top students. I disagreed cause I believe that it depends on the opportunity. If you happen to be there, then there's a possibility that you can get it. I must say that I have become infamous ever since fellow schoolmates got wind of my results. Coming from ITE and doing exceptionally well, I still managed to do it. But hey, it's not like I haven't faced disappointments before. Despite coming from Express stream in secondary school, I chose not to study. Maybe if I had just worked harder, I might have just made it. Even to JC. :)

It's pretty disturbing really. When you find out from your friends that their friends whom you don't know, knows you. It scares the shit outta you because they know you because of your grades or they know you because you're involved in every single event in the school.

I don't know if it's a good thing or not. But I wouldn't want to change it at all. I study because I need to in order to go to uni and not because I wanted all this glamour. People can talk whatever they want cause at the end of the day, I work for my grades and not count on them. I'm sick of people talking about me just because they find me a great example when they talk about grades.

Is the education in system really taxing us out? We, poly students have to slog so much just to uni and while the places offered have increased, it's still not enough. Sometimes, I find that academics have caused a lot of drifts and unhappiness between friends cause we are constantly making comparisons; unknowingly or not. Is this system ever gonna change? I doubt so. I think in the many years to come, our kids would still be going through this paper chase just like we did.

It sucks to be a Singaporean student.

And don't tell me to migrate. Cause that's not even a solution.